Columnist Amy Dickinson (Bill Hogan/Chicago Tribune)DEAR AMY: I have actually been married practically 15 year to a man I an initial knew in high school. I an initial became aware of his trouble several year ago, when I discovered a bra hanging in our laundry room the was not my size. Finally, mine husband confessed he’d purchase it for himself. He stated it was a one-time occurrence.

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After he reverted from a service trip, i found an ext women’s lingerie. The assured me this would certainly not take place again. Then, I discovered a white gown and panties in his backpack in the stems of his car. Yes, i was snooping, because I stayed suspicious.

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He created me an e-mail telling me he to be fascinated with female lingerie. I decided that he had actually a fetish, and also sought marital counseling. The attended, but he didn’t think the helped. I told that then that if he had actually to make these purchases ns did not want to ever know around them, and also I’d far better not ever find evidence.

Last main I uncovered two emails on his phone call (yes, ns was snooping again) whereby he has actually ordered almost $1,000 the lingerie and women’s clothing. He also has a mystery post office box whereby these shipments room delivered.

I sent out him a letter come the P.O. Crate asking the WHY he has actually it, and also WHY he to be buying women’s clothing.

So far, that hasn’t identified the letter.

Our relationship has actually suffered due to the fact that I feel betrayed. I do not feeling loved, respect or cared for.

I think i still love him, yet this behavior disgusts me (maybe that shouldn’t).

Your advice?

Confused Wife

DEAR WIFE: You have actually demanded that your husband must not disclose anything about this fetish to you. Girlfriend have likewise demanded that you must never find any kind of evidence that it.

He appears to have actually gone to an excellent lengths to store this a secret, as you insist he must.

So why execute you save snooping? If friend don’t desire to be challenged by something, then don’t look for it.

Cross-dressing (or perhaps just purchasing women’s clothing) is clear a very important part of your husband’s life. The is shocking come me the your therapist didn’t help you come talk about this during your sessions. The way you two interact — via email and also now postal letter — is passive and also one-sided. You both it seems to be ~ to usually throw down and then run away.

Instead the insisting the your husband prevent doing something that he won’t protect against doing, you could seek to recognize it by mentioning it v him, suspending your disgust and also judgment till you feel you recognize this impulse.

You say you feeling unloved and betrayed, but I can imagine the your husband could feel this way, too.

DEAR AMY: mine boyfriend and I space pretty young, and also we have actually been dating for 3 years. His family has picked petty debates with me in the past. A year ago, ns posted a photo on society media of me in a bathing suit that part assumed was my underwear. Mine boyfriend’s brother’s girlfriend, “Katie,” got to out come me with social media come tell me that the photograph was disrespectful to mine relationship.

Some somewhat vicious message went earlier and forth between us till I blocked her.

It’s been one year, and at gatherings ns refuse to speak to her, also though she when tried to speak come me. Katie is a 30-year-old mrs who determined to poke she nose into my relationship, despite she articles plenty that swimsuit wear and also has a history of cheating.

My boyfriend wants united state to do up. Am ns wrong to disregard her? even if she to be to offer me one apology at this point, I’m therefore angry i don’t desire her involved in any component of mine life.


DEAR SILENT: If you desire for points to proceed as they are — v you being furious for over a year and also playing the victim — then by every means, store doing what you’re doing. If you want for points to change, then you should start behaving differently, and also agree to listen as soon as someone make the efforts to speak to you.

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DEAR AMY: “Don’t prefer Dirty Laundry” to be a woman whose middle-age “macho” boyfriend had never done his own laundry!

Well, mine dear husband of numerous decades never ever did a load of to wash in his life. However he did so plenty of other things! He passed away four years ago, and also I’d give anything to to wash his clothes again.

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Missing Him

DEAR MISSING: These simple acts organize so lot power in our memories. My condolences.

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amydickinson.com. Readers might send postal mail to questioning Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can additionally follow her on Twitter